Anyway, we finally got the computer back up and running, and I just wanted to share that letter here. It's to my son, but I think it can speak hope into the hearts of other moms that will soon be coming up on this momentous event as well, and maybe take away some of the fear that seems to just go hand-in-hand with the "dreaded teenage years".
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August 28, 2015
To Jared, one of my greatest treasures in
this life:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Happy 13th Birthday!!! WHOA!!! Is this for real, or am I being punked?! ;)
It’s so strange for me to have a child becoming a teenager
right now, because a lot of the people that are my age are still having babies,
and some haven’t even had any kids yet… but I’ve got a teenager?! Whoa!!!
I’m really going to need a minute here to let this sink in.
I may have started earlier than a lot of others do, but I
don’t regret it at all because I’ve gotten to enjoy the gift of having you all
that much longer in my life, and I wouldn’t trade that time with you for anything.
The “dreaded teenage years” are something that pretty much all parents are fearful of because so much of the relationship between them and their child changes, and this is the time when you really have to get it right, because at the end of this season, you have to release those little babies of yours out into the world.
That’s a lot of pressure. We brought you into this world promising to love and protect you always, but knowing that there would eventually come a time and day where we would HAVE to let go of your hand and pass on the responsibility of your health, well-being, and overall comfort over to you.
The “dreaded teenage years” are something that pretty much all parents are fearful of because so much of the relationship between them and their child changes, and this is the time when you really have to get it right, because at the end of this season, you have to release those little babies of yours out into the world.
That’s a lot of pressure. We brought you into this world promising to love and protect you always, but knowing that there would eventually come a time and day where we would HAVE to let go of your hand and pass on the responsibility of your health, well-being, and overall comfort over to you.
I will never feel ready for that moment, but I hope and pray so much that when that time comes, I can be sure that YOU WILL BE READY for it!! That’s the goal of this whole parenting thing. That’s what God has entrusted us with…the responsibility of helping YOU become the man that He created you to be, one that is a responsible and respectable citizen and steward of this community and world.
Most parents don’t even think that far ahead though, and then become surprised to find when their kids turn 18 that they are NOT prepared at ALL for this world. I pray so much for that not to be our story.
The thing that we BOTH have to remember is…I’ve never raised a teenager before. I’ve BEEN a teenager, which lends tons of experience in itself, but I’ve never RAISED a teenager. You’re the first, and I can promise you… unfortunately, that I’m going to mess up from time-to-time. And you know what, so are you. I have faith that it will all be OK in the end though, because I see and know the potential of the man that God has created you to be.
We’re going to do this together. I’ll shower you with lots of love and grace through this time, and hopefully, you can do the same for me. Understanding that each of us really are working toward the same goal and are on the same team. We both want you to SUCCEED and live your best life possible!! Our ideas of what that means may not always match up, and that is where we’re going to need to have some really good communication with each other to explain what we think “success” is and why it matters so much to each of us.
No matter what… I am always on your side though. Never forget that!! I WILL NOT always like everything you do, I’m sure, but I’m always going to love you, and I’m ALWAYS going to be rooting for you in this life. I’m proud of you already just because you are mine. You are my Jared!! You don’t have to do ANYTHING more than just merely EXIST to make me beam with pride, anything more is really just icing on the cake.
I never, ever want you to forget the love that I have for you, and will always have for you. When your emotions take over, and you think I’m the meanest…dumbest…most out of touch person you’ve ever known, I hope that you will still feel my love for you, even through my perceived faults.
And I hope that even in the moments where you are angry with me, that your love for me is still there too.
Things will obviously be changing in the coming years as we release more responsibility over to you, and it will be exciting times for both of us to watch you grow in your capabilities and character. This season of your life won’t be as much about strict discipline and training as it has been to date, but now will be more about learning respect and strengthening your character growth.
As you’ve likely figured out by now that these days, I really will not be able to MAKE you do anything against your own will. God gave you free will, just as He did each of us, and that means that the choices are ultimately your own. However, I hope that in the same way that we choose to obey God out of our deep love and respect for Him, that you will also obey us because you have deep love and respect for us too.
I know that I have not been perfect at this parenting thing (as no one ever is), and I know that many times I have not made complete sense to you, but I hope that you will always know and trust that all of the choices I make for you are made with your very BEST interest in mind. Even if you don’t like the things you are asked to do… or not to do, I hope that you will consider that these decisions have been chosen to help you become your very best. And if we need to talk about it, then let’s talk about it. I want you to understand the vision we have for you, and want you to be a part of the decisions that are made for your future too.
So, as we move away from strict discipline that early childhood demanded for your health and safety, our relationship will become more of a guidance position as parents to help get you to where you want to be. And if you aren’t letting us know where it is that you want to be, we can’t help you get there. So that’s your responsibility in this too. You have to communicate your desires and needs with us.
I'll admit that I’m a little intimidated by these next few years, but I’m also really excited about them too. I don’t want to think of the teenage years with you with dread. I think you are an amazing human being, and I can’t wait to see what God’s going to do with you and your life. You are definitely so much different from the little baby I brought home many years ago, but every day it’s been a new gift of learning WHO you really are, what gifts God has given to you, and how best for you to use them in this world.
I’m here for you, even though your needs are not nearly as clear to me as they were when you were firstborn. Babies are relatively easy because they need food, love, sleep, and to be cleaned. I can do that. So easy, so CLEAR!! Your needs now are much greater because they involve shaping you into a man!! And not just any man, but a good, responsible, respectable man of God that completes the mission that he was sent here to this earth to do. Help me know what you need and how I can best help you. Come find me!! Let me know your needs and what’s on your heart!! I am here for you!!
Enjoy these next few years because they will go by so fast. You have many years where you will get to be an ADULT, but there really is only a limited number of years left that you still get to be a kid. Enjoy them!! Don’t rush them!! Once they are gone, you really can not get them back, and TRUST ME on this, life does NOT get easier just because you are an official adult. I promise.
I love you, my sweet boy. I love you so, so, so much, and I NEVER EVER want you to forget that-- no matter how big you may get. I want you to feel my love for you whether I am physically with you or not, I NEVER EVER want you to question it. I want it to be a strong force that helps make your life better and easier and gives you the courage to keep going because you know, without question, that you will always have at least one person on your side.
So much love for you and pride in you!!
With love forever,
Mom
